I'm Beautiful!!

In today's world there are so many things working against young girls. There are body image issues, there is peer pressure, there are celebrities that are younger and younger every year acting like they are YEARS older than they really are. Having a two year old girl these are the things that I think about. I think about the things that will be ailing my daughter 12-13 years from now.

I have dealt with year's of depression and self image issues. I honestly didn't ever thing that I would get through those issues. It just seemed like no matter how many people I talked to, how many medications I was prescribed, that it was NEVER going to get better. Then one day I found out I was pregnant... after only knowing my boyfriend for two months... let the panic set in. I did not know it at the time, but this turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. This little girl has given me a reason to live, and she has turned me around. She also scares the crap out of me. I do not ever want my daughter, or my other children I might have down the road to have to deal with these issues.

I tell my daughter everyday that she is beautiful, I want her to know that no matter what she might think or when she gets older what people might tell her that she is beautiful. Last night on the way home I was telling her that she was perfect, and she responded with something that reminded me of just how pure her innocence is. 

Mom: "Baby Bean you are perfect!"

Baby Bean: "No I'm not"

Mom: "Yes you are, at least mommy thinks you are"

Baby Bean: "No I'm not, I'm Beautiful!"


See, I knew that this was going to work out in my favor someday, it's the little things like that that make me love her for who she is.

As a parent I just need to keep doing anything I can to remind her that she is perfect and she is beautiful, someday she will look at these things and be glad that I did them, my mom did those things for me and I am sure glad that she did.

Just another day in the life of a crazy Bride

We are getting so close to "dooms day" as my Fiance appropriatly keeps calling it. Only 11 more days to go, and so far I have been able to keep my sanity. I am going to try and start doing some more blogging, I am thinking about picking an interesting topic and blogging daily... here to hoping that this will be something stable and interesting in my life, so far my ideas are to blog about being the mother of a two year old, I've thought about blogging about running, but I tend to not keep up with my running enough to really make that worth my time, or I have thought about writing about online shopping deals because I spend all my time looking for them now that I'm planning my wedding. :)

Well here is to an new endeavor in my life!

Thank You

I just want to take a few minutes and say thanks to those who mean the most:

Mom, You have been there for me from the time that I was born, and I can not thank you enough. I honestly think that you don't truly appreciate your mother until you have the chance to be the mother. You have not only given me the knowledge to be a great mother to Ava, but you have given me the ability to be an individual who is proud of who they have become. I am who I am today because you have taught me how to be.

Dad, Thanks for being there forever and always, even when it wasn't easy. I really need a tough shoulder to cry on. I will always be your little girl and I hope that you know I will never be to big to sit on your lap! I will never out grow my daddy. You are the best dad that I could ever ask for. Ava is lucky to have you for a Papa. She is going to learn all kinds of amazing things about life from spending time with you.

Gary, You are my rock. I know that we have seen tough times, but I honestly thank God everyday that I have you because without you I couldn't have the happiness that I have now. I don't think that I could ever find someone who is so loving and caring and endlessly in love with me. I know that at the drop of a hat you would do anything in the world for me and that is what is the most important thing in the world. You are 100% here not only for me but for Ava. She is so lucky to have you for a father. You are going to give that little girl the world.

Steph, Since 4th grade you have been there to listen to every problem in my life. We might have went our separate ways, but our friendship wasn't one to be broken. You were there for me in the times that I needed you most, In the times that weren't always easy, but if I needed you, there you were. Thanks for everything over our time as friends. I wouldn't trade them for the world. I am so glad that you are here to enjoy Ava, and I hope that you remain a large part of her life.

Kristi O, :) Our short time as friends has proven to be an on going adventure. Weather we are in the same city, state, or country... we have remained the closest of friends. I am glad that you are in Ava's life, and that you continue to be in mine. You were a blessing in my life when I needed one the most. You are an angel sent to me, and I couldn't as for a better guardian. I could have never made it to this point without you. Our differences are what I love the most, you might prefer floppy hats and flowing skirts while I chose torn jeans and camouflage :) We balance each other perfectly. I can't wait for you to watch Ava grow, and to guide her on her path.

Blake and Spencer, The best brothers in the world! You guys have alwasy been there for me no matter what! :) Thanks for not freaking out when I changed our lives.... It means a lot. I just hope that you guys grow in to the young men that you are becoming. You two are going to make a great impact on the world.

I think that it is important to thank the ones that you love the most. They are the ones that have shaped your life, so know that they are just as much the reason you are you as you are. Make sure that those who shaped you know that you care about them and that you would be there for them no matter what. They are important.

Quality Time

I am on my days off at work, so I have been spending some quality time with my baby girl :) Oh... and Gary too! I can't believe that tomorrow Ava is going to 7 mo. old! Time just flies! I can't wait to see Vicki and SKJ tonight, I love it when old friends come and visit. I miss those girls, and I am so glad that they are going to be able to come. I just hope that I am not too lame now that I have Bean. She is my world though and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Gary is working all weekend which is good for my bills, but I hate being here when he works all weekend. I think that we both need to find better jobs! Thats not going to happen anytime soon thats for sure, not in this state anyways. Oh well, hopefully after he gets back from being overseas then he will be able to find something doing what he wants.

I am definatly going to try and go back and get my Masters this year. Thats my mission for the year. Hopefully that will help me in the search for a new job, but we shall see.

Ava wants me .... so off I go!! :)

Oops...

So I said that I was going to be better about updating this blog... and here we are.

I had an amazing Christmas, and Ava was an absolute riot to watch on Christmas morning. She was eating the wrapping paper like it was going out of style. I think that in the end she made out pretty darned well. She has some Grandparents that love her to death I think. We had a long Christmas weekend and then we headed up north skiing for a week, which was great. I wasn't able to go the whole week so I had to suffer a little bit of time without Ava which was really tough for me. I will attach a video of Blake from up north it is great, he is pretty talented on the board thats for sure!

Ava is growing like crazy, it's hard to believe that she is almost 7 months old... crazy. She is now 20 lbs. No you didn't read that wrong. She really does weigh just about as much as a one year old... :) I am so proud of her. Obviously she isn't having a hard time moving from formula to baby food. She loves everything that she eats.

Gary has been working really hard, and Training like crazy to head over seas this year. It's weird to say this year. I am used to saying that he is going to leave next year. I just seems to make the whole things a lot more real. I don't know what I am going to do without him. He is my right hand man. He means that world to me and in all honesty he is my world :)

Well Bean is sleeping, which means that Mommy should head to bed too...

Oh the little things

Here we are with only 7 weeks to go, not that I am counting, and still we have a nameless child. I can't even believe that we are are going to be parents in less than two months. I mean I know that technically we are parents now, but it doesn't really seem like it. I mean I don't really have to do anything other then watch what i eat, and try to be healthy about the things that I do. It is kind of scary to think that I am going to have another human being who is going to completely rely on me. I honestly don't know how I could have even gotten this far without Gary. I don't know how people go through all of this alone. He has been amazing from the minute that he found out that we were expecting. He is my rock, my world, my everything. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

On an non baby related note.... Blake is going to be graduating in about a month. That makes me feel really old. I can't believe that he is that old. I mean it seems like just yesterday that I brought him for show and tell on B week... I mean Baby Boy Blake... how can you resist :) He was the darn cutest little thing. Then Spencer came along, and he was just as cute. He is everything you could ask for in a little brother. They are getting so old and I kind of don't like it! In 3 years Spencer is going to be graduating and then he will take off too and go to school and the three of us are going to be all over the place. I just really hope that we can stay close because they are my best friends, I love them to pieces.